Love me enough.

I really want the first thing I blog about to be inspirational, but I also don't want to sugar coat this. Not all of my posts will be inspirational. Some of my stories are going to be raw for me, even after years passing. But I know I can find some peace and healing with sharing them. As I hope you all do as well.

The reason I named the blog Love Me Enough...

The first reason is for my birth mom. Growing up as an adopted child, I struggled with why she did not want me. I thought there must be something wrong with me, or that I wasn't good enough. I remember after a very rough break down when I was about 9, my mom hoisted me onto her lap. She rocked me and held me tight. She told me that I was wrong, and that my birth mom had loved me enough to give me the life she knew she could never give me.

The second reason is for my parents. I can't express to you how brave and unconditional their love for me is. They didn't really know what they were getting themselves into. I came to them when I was 6 months old. They put their battle helmets on to raise me and my 7 other siblings. I am lucky they love me enough to keep pushing me forward to be the best me I can be.

The third reason is for myself. I have spent far too many more times than not, second guessing myself and my worth. There comes a point in adulthood where you really do start caring less what others think of you. I always thought that could never be me. I could never not care what another person thinks about who I am. But it is true and you do get to that point. Maybe it took me longer than most, who knows. What I do know is I have spent too long being self conscious and critical of something I cannot control. I shake. I have tremors. I have to take medication to control it to some degree. It just is what it is. It is not who I am. It does not make me an ugly person. I should not be ashamed of it, nor should I be embarrassed about it. It is simply a very small part of my story. I decided when I started this journey of this blog, that I love me enough to let go of anyone who has ever made me feel any different. 

And you should, too.

 

            Me at the age of 4.

            Me at the age of 4.